Ode to Dreams of the Doctor
by Starry-EyedandStormy
Summary: A story about what I feel is the relationship between people who believe in the Doctor and what he stands for in all of his regenerations and the Doctor himself. Also, a bit of a tribute to the 11th Doctor in honor of Matt Smith's announcement to leave the show after the Christmas episode of this year.


I've heard some people believe in dreams.

Not the normal kind of dreams that everyone has while sleeping, but they think that dreams are special; that they can show you your future or past. That they can take you places you never dreamed of going. That they can imprison you or set you free.

Some people think dreams are just the things that you see while asleep while others believe in daydreams and wishing on stars. I knew I believed in something, but I wasn't quite sure what.

I guess more specifically-or vaguely, whichever you prefer-I believed in everything and nothing at once. When I was very little, anything was possible, but when I became older there were times when I believed in everything and others when I believed in nothing. Why does life seem to have that effect? It's like it tries to tear you down and crush your beliefs and dreams.

_"I grew up..."_

Sometimes you can stand tall and keep believing. Other times you're stuck with broken promises and ideals and an empty feeling in your soul.

"_Why did you say five minutes?!"_

When I was little I dreamed of everything and nothing: the stars in the highest heavens and the secrets of the lowest depths of the sea. An empty backyard became the Great Plains from thousands of years ago while a sandbox became the Egyptian empire at the height of its Great Middle Kingdom. Atlantis could be found at the bottom of a swimming pool, guarded by the Kraken and angler fish. Fireflies were fairies and the wind and the sun and the stars could speak. Clouds were palaces and anything imaginable floating across the sky. I saw things that other people missed or simply couldn't see. Upon seeing a curious floating object once, I tried to point it out to my friends and family, but they could not see it.

Unfortunately, at times, these fantastic visions reversed themselves and became frightening things. Shadows moved by themselves in darkened rooms. Disembodied voices disrupted my sleep from the time I was three until I was nine. They would rarely speak back anything that wasn't a repetition of what I tried to say to them, and after a while they became more of a nuisance than a fright. The smallest thing could become twisted in my mind into something terrifying, and hiding under bedcovers does not help if the monsters are in your mind.

_"Those people in your Library are real, and they are in real danger..."_

People try to tell you that ideas like these are merely escapes from reality, but I've often wondered if they may not be true and others are just not able to see them because they have been taught not to or they simply refuse to see because such fantastic things go against their preconceived notion of life and the worlds around them. However, I hold fast to the idea that people who _can _see such wonders are those who are open to them. They exist everywhere around us.

"_Look around you. Everywhere we look, the complex beauty of nature blazes forth before our eyes..."_

Sometimes it takes special people to see, even when they don't think that they're special themselves. I know I didn't think I was.

_"You were fantastic..."_

_ "Because you're brilliant..."_

When I was a little bit older, I heard about a man. Well, he wasn't really a man because he wasn't from Earth, but he looked like a man despite the fact that he was actually thousands of years old. Funny. He was like Peter Pan, flying among the stars and growing older but never growing up. He took others on fantastic adventures like the ones I'd always dreamed about and imagined.

_"All of time and space: anything that's ever happened and everything that ever will. Where do you want to start?"_

The window in my bedroom sat atop a small section of roof. There were many times when I climbed out of the window and onto the roof to just stare at the sky: to dream and wait. For what, I was not sure, but I waited nonetheless. While I waited, I let my dreams take me where they would.

_"The Girl Who Waited..."_

I would have waited forever, but life doesn't look kindly on those who do nothing by wait. So I dreamed and waited when I could, which was not often enough to give the comfort it once had. Life fought for the lost time spent dreaming by throwing every cynicism, irony, pain, and misfortune that it could.

Loneliness, even when in a crowd of people.

_"I just want a mate."_

Loss of every shape and form.

_"I guess, if it's my last chance to say it... Rose Tyler..."_

_ "Time and Space: You watch us run."_

_ "Donna Noble, I am so, so sorry, but we had the best of times."_

_ "Come along, Pond. Please!"_

Despair.

_"I've lived too long..."_

And when it was all said and done, I was left an empty shell. No feeling could get through, and I wasn't sure if it was because the walls of the barrier were too thick... or if there was simply nothing to affected by the emotions.

Then the feeling of emptiness would pass and the senses restored. Things would make me happy or sad again or every emotion in between, and life continued as normal.

The times to dream were becoming less and less frequent with less time spent actually dreaming then, but no matter how little time could be spared for them, the thoughts of the amazing man and his adventures continued along with the longing to join him.

I followed the stories of him as closely as I could and watched as he suffered and rejoiced the same way I did.

I traced the clues of his travels throughout time and space and documented them, and by doing this, I learned about the man's many forms and faces. I loved all of them, but the one that stuck to my heart was a version with floppy brown hair and a bowtie. His face looked almost like that of a child and therefore hid the thousands of years of experience and life behind old eyes.

_"You see these eyes? These are old eyes, and one thing I can tell you: Monsters are real."_

It was this face that I saw in person after many years of dreaming and waiting.

He smiled at me. A sincere, warm smile that hinted at great sadness beneath. His bowtie was slightly askew, and his hair flopped in his face.

I wanted to hug him. I wanted to grab his hand and run, as I'd learned he loved to do so much. But all I could do was stand there as I felt a thousand emotions welling and churning within myself which finally welled out of my eyes and left wet trails down my cheeks.

"Why don't you come when you're needed? You promised little Amelia Pond five minutes and came back in twelve and fourteen years, and I know that wasn't the first time you'd done that. I've waited for you. Why were you never here for me when I needed you? Where were you when I needed to run away? Why have you finally come now?!"

He looked broken at my words. He looked as broken as I felt, but he smiled again. "You didn't really need me."

"Of course I needed you! Why else would I wait for and dream of the day when I could finally run with you?"

"You're so sure of that, but you're missing something. Was I with you in those dreams where you ran?"

"Yes."

"Always?"

"Always." I was silent for a moment after that. Silent in thought. He _had always_ been there in those dreams. But... but those were just dreams... weren't they?

I struggled with that thought for a moment before I noticed a slight golden glow emanating from the skin of the man... he would not have this face that I adored most for much longer, and yet, he had made the time to come to me.

I made my decision in my reply as I threw my arms around him and told him the words I'd dreamed of saying to him after so many adventures: "You have helped me through so much. You have given me hope when I thought there was none to be found in my soul and dreams to dream when I felt I had none left. You comforted me in my losses and showed me wonders in this Universe that few others can even begin to dream of. You _were always there, _and I hope that you know that I was and always will be there for you too, because as much as we all think we may be insignificant or even worthless, you have shown so many people that they are not. The least we can do is return the favor."

The golden glow was getting stronger, and I knew my time to speak to him was growing short.

"I just want you to know you made a difference to me and so many others, and you deserve the same sense of worth that you give to all of us. You said once that in your experience '_there is always hope'_, and I beg you to remember that, Doctor. Please, for all of us. Remember that."

I stepped back from him and saw him smile again. The golden glow around him was still stronger, but not completely overwhelming. He still had a good amount of time before he completely regenerated; he was holding on to say goodbye again like he had at the end of his tenth regeneration. He started to walk back towards his TARDIS, which I had not noticed before, and he turned around at the door.

I smiled at him and he smiled back once more, and I simply said by way of parting, "Geronimo."

His smile widened and a look of childlike enthusiasm came over his face as he replied: "Geronimo!" and slipped through the doors of his beautiful time machine which promptly dematerialized.

I've heard that some people believe in dreams, but I can do them one better. I _know _ and _understand_ and live for dreams because I know that they are always doing the unexpected... and coming true.


End file.
